Analog-Theater 2.0

Ok, so how many of you folks out there are worried about global warming? No, really, not the oh, you know, I’m worried kind of worried, I’m looking for the “I really don’t want to lose my house in freak weather events brought about by the slowing of the gulf steam and decrease of moisture in normally moderate climatic zones” kind of worried.

Ahh, that would be no one. Yeah, I figured as much. I think the real problem has to do with marketing. The “Eco-Nuts”, a word coined by the people who still say things like “We don’t need that old growth deciduous forest for anything” or “Sure dump another thirty tones of fertilizer on that field, there is no dead zone in the Gulf”. Oh, you didn’t know about the dead zone? It is about the size of NJ I think, it gets bigger, smaller, you know, it varies. Anywho, the “Eco-Nuts” really need to think about how to sell you something. This Global warming issue is real, I’m fairly certain of that now, when was the last time we had massive tornadoes in the south during the middle of the winter, oh and we are about to be able to order Antarctic King Crab. Yeah, I know, I said Antarctic. You see, Crabs can’t live in the Antarctic, or so we thought, but then the water started warming up, and now it is getting warm enough again for them to flush the Magnesium or whatever from their system so they can move back into the old neighbor hood. By old, I mean they haven’t lived there for 40 million years. Oh, and 40 Million years ago it was a bit north of where they are moving back to. Supposedly it is going to devastate the sea floor, but on the bright side the sharks that couldn’t live there but that are drifting back into those waters will also eat some of the crabs, so I guess it all balances out in the end.
But, back to the topic at hand, marketing. I’m thinking the Global Warming issue is too Global. You can’t get the people worried about it when it is only devastating cotton farmers in Texas and cattle ranchers in the mid-west. Honestly, who doesn’t just watch the news and then blank out. Who can’t without getting paranoid and buying 5 locks, bricking up the sliding glass door, and purchasing illegal assault weaponry is a better question. I mean these are problems happening to other people that that guy who won but really lost the election made a cool movie about, wasn’t he the vice president or something…? Exactly. So, I’m thinking we need to get GreenPeace and a few of the other action groups together and hire them a really good PR group, you know, like the ones that work for Cigerette Manufacturers or maybe even the oil company ones. I was listening to a commercial the other day trying to tell me that price controls on Gasoline are out like Disco, and that I should call Congress and tell them to let the Oil Companies charge whatever they like. These guys are good, and have almost as few ethics as a collections agency employee.

Who regulates those by the way? I had a fraudulent charge show up right before Christmas on a credit card I cut up in September that I ended up having to write the Attorney General of DE about, in order to get it removed from my account, and then it gets handed over to a collections agency? Uhm, how about calling me guys? Or maybe, even better, asking my credit card company why I disputed the charge? The bills go, Sept $0.00 new charges. Oct $0.00 charges, Nov. $0.00 charges, Dec $29.99 Online Porn! Jan $0.00 new charges. Yeah, I won’t pick up on that. It did take about 10 minutes to figure out what the $41.00 due on the collections notice was for though. I sent them a nice letter explaining it, I figure if that doesn’t work I’ll start with the BBB and then I’ll get hold of their states Attorney General and maybe file a complaint with the FTC…was that who it was, I’ll look it up and get back to you. I have Google. Oh yeah, and you might want to take a look at this.

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