Analog-Theater 2.0

It’s been a while since my last post, I know.  I’m turning into Robert it seems.  I started typing a couple posts, but never actually posted them.  Mostly it was refuting the various emails that I received after my last post.  However, I slowly became aware that there might have been some valid points.  My dad’s phone call helped wake me up.

I was made keenly aware that no where in my previous post did I ever say that I loved Nancy.  To be honest, I am not sure that I actually believe in this “love” stuff.  From a scientific point of view, love is little more than your brain producing high levels of Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.  From that perspective there seems to be nothing that differeniates love from lust and other not-so-romantic forms of attraction.  On the other hand, as an observer, I have noticed various interpersonal aspects in relationships.  (I know I’m going to get called on that last line because relationships by nature are interpersonal, at least most of them, but I don’t want to go down that tangent.)  People who are in a relationship typically like to spend time together.  I know Robert always says he has to spend time with Sheena.  Of course, he also has to spend time with Dulce.  (And there is a point that I want to make, but then he might not buy me breakfast anymore.)  Getting back to the main point, people who have similar interests, hobbies, etc tend to enjoy spending time together.  For instance, I like comic books, anime, and role playing games so every Monday I get together with a group of guys who also like that stuff.  So, is love nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain combined with an inventory of similar interests?  (and after saying that, I am sure that I will get an email from my mom saying that I know better than that.  However, I’m not sure I do.)

The Hollywood portrayal of love, like the man taking the white limo to the girls apartment then climbing up the side of the building with a boquet of roses.  I have never experienced any feelings like that.  No, I take that back.  I did feel like doing crazy stuff when one girl was around, but that didn’t work out.  Of course it’s possibly that what I felt back then was love and my heart was broken making me very cynical.  However, those feelings were no where near what they portray in movies nor what people seem to discribe as love.  Having said all this, it is safe to say that I am not very romantic.  And I have probably lost any chance I had with any girl who reads this.

But,  there is a bigger point that I wanted to make.  Taking what I understand this love stuff to be, I had a couple long talks with Nancy.  The only things we seem to have in common is that we agree that Batman was a great movie and that we are members of the same Church.  She does not like video games, anime, comic books, or pretty much anything else I like.  She also seems to want me to be the type of guy who shows up at her apartment with a limo and climb up the building to show my love for her.  I won’t get into more details, but it got worse.  In the last few weeks I have come to the conclusion that if we did get married, it would turn out bad.  There was no reason for her to stay with me.  I even asked her why she wanted to marry me.  Her reasons included: to make her mother happy, because I have blue eyes, and because we are part of the same religion.  There were others, but they were just as bad.  When I asked her what was to stop her from leaving me for some other guy, she said because she doesn’t believe in divorce.

This was not all one sided.  I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.  I thought back to the last time I saw her and remembered that I did not enjoy all the time I spent with her.  I if can’t enjoy two weeks with her, how can I enjoy years with her?  Now, it has been about 3 years since my last trip and it’s possible that she has changed some (and that I’ve changed a little, though we seem to seldom notice our own changes.  I’ve been told that I’ve changed over time when I think that I’m the same as before.) but I don’t want to wait another few years to see if we’re more compatible than before.  Malcolm, I do agree with you that you should spend quality time with the person.  However, I’m just tired of having the long distance relationship.  It got to the point where it was we do this now or never.  I thought now was a good idea, but after our recent talks and lots of thinking, I’ve decided on never.

She did not take that very well.  I tried to let her down easy.  When that didn’t work, I got tougher and just dumped her.  I know that she’s going to broken up about it and be angry with me for a while, but I think in the long run it’s probably for the best.

So, Eric, Megan, Doug, Malcolm, and Dad.  You have succeeded in making me realize that I shouldn’t get married.  I think that I’m going to go back to my plan A.  Find some new video games and hire a maid to clean my room and do my laundry.

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